I have had the option to not worry about my son's alcoholism for almost 2 months now. I tried to figure out the best way to word that first sentence - key words being "had the option." Have I exercised this option in my life for the past 38 days? Yes and no.
While my son was in jail, he was still calling me at least once a day and I got to video chat with him from the comfort of my own home on Mother's Day. I did see him when I drove him from jail to rehab for a few hours. Now he can only call one day a week for 15 mins. When he called last week, he didn't have much to say and I could tell he was mad that I wouldn't let him live with us any more. I truly cannot imagine going through any more of the stress that last month brought from his "alcohol use disorder." So I am going to stand my ground this time and he will have to make it own his own. It's way past time.
But even saying that doesn't take away the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of no longer having him around to tend to or worry about. That's so crazy to feel that way! I tell myself, over and over, "He's 33 years old for crying out loud!" That's basically what the responding State Trooper told me when my son wrecked my car and got a DUI. I think he added a "Ma'am" to the front though. It's almost like I am having withdrawals from the insanity that is his disease.
It does seem to be getting easier not having him here. I love being around my son when he is sober and do miss having him around to talk to sometimes. But my son's continued sobriety is more important than anything I want or feel. And for whatever reason, he can't seem to live with us and stay sober. So I am going to have to learn to live without him here and without the worry and uncertainty his drinking causes. And that's not a bad thing at all!
My thoughts and stuff about alcoholism and how this disease has affected my life and people that I love.
Friday, June 9, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
My Alcoholic Son
He was still alive, but totally out of it. At first I couldn't get him to come to, and when he finally did he couldn't get himself up off the floor. He passed out again so I just left him there for a while. Eventually I was able to help him stagger into the house and fall on the bed.
It hurts my heart to see this photo because this is what alcohol has reduced my son to. I hate alcoholism!
Saturday, May 27, 2017
The Insanity Continues and I Still Hate Alcoholism!!!
Yes, shame on me for neglecting my blog for almost 3 years! But in my defense, there have been alot of changes in my life during this time. I got laid off from my good paying job in April 2013. Unemployment insurance just didn't quite pay the bills, so in October 2013 I moved back to my hometown to stay with and care for my mother who suffers from Alzheimer's Disease.
My alcoholic son had to live somewhere other than with me, so I bought him a plane ticket to Texas to stay with a friend he had met while living at a halfway house in Arizona. That lasted about 6 months. His friend was also an alcoholic who drank at night and fought with his live-in girlfriend, so that didn't work out. I bought him another plane ticket to go live with a high school buddy and his wife in Utah. (I know, I am such a good codependent.) That went OK for a while. Dale was working 2 jobs and seemed to be doing alright. Then he ended up back in the hospital in Utah with pancreatitis. His 2nd episode in less than 2 years. It was so hard for me to be so far away, but I didn't go to him.
Of course, I eventually ended up letting him come and live in my mother's house with us. Since that time, because of his drinking, he has had and lost numerous jobs, was in the hospital for the 3rd time with pancreatitis, wrecked my car, got a DUI, stole money from my mother, and was in and out of 3 different hospitals in April of this year. His DUI sentence was an $875.00 fine, 6 months suspended sentence to 2 years probation and report to the court referral officer (CRO). Since he continued to always go back to the alcohol, the CRO had his probation revoked and issued a warrant for his arrest. When the deputy came to the house to get him, he was waiting for a friend to come pick up him and he had a forged check in his pocket on my mother's account for $100. I am grateful the deputy showed up when he did, but it was hard to see him put in handcuffs and taken away. As of 5/25, he is now in an addiction rehab facility for 3 weeks.
Through all this insanity with my son, I have been doing improvements and redecorating this 51 year old house, dealing with mother's progressing Alzheimer's, totally rewired my sister's 1977 Toyota pickup, acquired an 11-yr-old rescue dog named Noah, and started doing mystery shopping to make some income. I am so grateful for Spring because I love flowers. Flowers make me happy. Being able to beautify the yard with flowers has lowered my stress level. As a Christian, I know that God has a plan for my son's life and have been learning to trust that all is going as God has planned and Dale will eventually reach his rock bottom and learn to live sober. The Serenity Prayer has helped me when I just didn't know what to pray any more.
God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
I am going to try to write more often, even if no one reads it but me.
My alcoholic son had to live somewhere other than with me, so I bought him a plane ticket to Texas to stay with a friend he had met while living at a halfway house in Arizona. That lasted about 6 months. His friend was also an alcoholic who drank at night and fought with his live-in girlfriend, so that didn't work out. I bought him another plane ticket to go live with a high school buddy and his wife in Utah. (I know, I am such a good codependent.) That went OK for a while. Dale was working 2 jobs and seemed to be doing alright. Then he ended up back in the hospital in Utah with pancreatitis. His 2nd episode in less than 2 years. It was so hard for me to be so far away, but I didn't go to him.
Of course, I eventually ended up letting him come and live in my mother's house with us. Since that time, because of his drinking, he has had and lost numerous jobs, was in the hospital for the 3rd time with pancreatitis, wrecked my car, got a DUI, stole money from my mother, and was in and out of 3 different hospitals in April of this year. His DUI sentence was an $875.00 fine, 6 months suspended sentence to 2 years probation and report to the court referral officer (CRO). Since he continued to always go back to the alcohol, the CRO had his probation revoked and issued a warrant for his arrest. When the deputy came to the house to get him, he was waiting for a friend to come pick up him and he had a forged check in his pocket on my mother's account for $100. I am grateful the deputy showed up when he did, but it was hard to see him put in handcuffs and taken away. As of 5/25, he is now in an addiction rehab facility for 3 weeks.
Through all this insanity with my son, I have been doing improvements and redecorating this 51 year old house, dealing with mother's progressing Alzheimer's, totally rewired my sister's 1977 Toyota pickup, acquired an 11-yr-old rescue dog named Noah, and started doing mystery shopping to make some income. I am so grateful for Spring because I love flowers. Flowers make me happy. Being able to beautify the yard with flowers has lowered my stress level. As a Christian, I know that God has a plan for my son's life and have been learning to trust that all is going as God has planned and Dale will eventually reach his rock bottom and learn to live sober. The Serenity Prayer has helped me when I just didn't know what to pray any more.
God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
I am going to try to write more often, even if no one reads it but me.
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