The Last Two Months

This is my first post since my unhappy New Year’s Day experience with my alcoholic son.   I am happy to report that he is now back at The Way, started a full-time job and doing well.  But it was a hard 2 months.  After staying with my mother for a few days, he then went to his father’s house for a few days, then to his paternal grandparents’ house for a few days.  He wanted to come back home to supposedly look for a job before going back to The Way on Feb 1.  Good codependent that I am, I let him.

Of course, it was just a matter of days before he was drinking again.  I have a full-time job and couldn’t babysit him.  He had gotten paid from his last job while at The Way, so he had money to blow.  During this whole experience, I have gotten closer to God and began to turn over control every day to Him.  Since I am so in tune to my son’s ways, I would see some small growth in him and would be encouraged.  He would attend church with me on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights and seemed to enjoy it.   Then I would be discouraged again when he would drink himself sick.  When he ran out of money, he sold his Ipod and then a new cell phone I had gotten him.

When Feb 1 finally came around, we had a meeting with the director of The Way.  We were told that he could return, but there was a waiting list with 2 men ahead of him.  Once back home, my son continued to drink.  One day I came home and found that he had stolen all the change I had been saving in a plastic jug.  I went off on him and said some things that I regretted.  I then remembered all the times I stole from my parents over 18 years ago when I got addicted to cocaine.  The next morning I told him about  my past and that I understood it’s not who he really is inside, but it’s what his disease makes him do.  He said he realized how bad his drinking had become when he stole from me after all I had done to try to help him.

I know that Al-Anon says I should have kicked him out on the streets and I really struggled with that.  Sometimes God asks us to do things differently from the way the world would do things.  I learned this when my late husband was still drinking and making life hell for us.  God kept telling me to stay in the marriage because He was going to work a miracle in my husband’s life.  So I stayed and prayed and waited for the miracle that eventually came to pass when Jesus delivered him from the desire to drink.  I felt that God was telling me the same thing about my son.  Also, because it was winter and snowing and brutally cold, I just didn’t see that as an option.  I could just imagine seeing him out on the street while I was coming and going about my life, or possibly standing outside my apartment looking like a lost puppy.  My son is not street-smart and most likely would not have survived on the streets.  Once I made the decision to let him stay, I had peace in my spirit.

We continued to attend church together and after the stealing incident, he didn’t drink again.  He checked in to The Way by phone every week.  I prayed for him every day and had family and friends praying for him.  During the whole time he was out of The Way,  he chose to not smoke pot again.  So last Thursday when he was told that he could finally return to The Way, he was able to test clean.  I took him back the next day.  They are letting me pick him up for church, which is a blessing since he really enjoys the church we have been attending.  Today he started a full-time, day job that will give him enough to pay his rent at The Way and have some left to save for when he gets out.

What have I learned from all this?  I have learned to put my whole trust in God and let Him control my actions.  The Bible says that God’s ways are not our ways and that is so true.  The world would have me put my alcoholic son out on the streets, but God didn’t want me to do that.  Because I allowed my son to stay, he is still alive and has matured in his walk with God.  He is now back at a place that will help him learn to do life and accept life on life’s terms.  I have made positive changes in my own life because I want to be a better person and a better example for my son.

I don’t know what the future holds for my son.  I have a vision in my spirit that he will one day be a great man of God and will help other alcoholics find sobriety through faith in Jesus Christ.  All things are possible with God!