Unhappy New Year!

The first day of 2011 started with one of my worst fears coming true… my son was kicked out of the recovery program at The Way.  I got a call that he had snuck out of the house during the night New Year’s Eve and had him a few drinks, then snuck back in.  Someone smelled alcohol on him and so they tested him.  Of course he tested positive.  He had been in the program for 40 days.

I had told him if he left or was asked to leave before he graduated the program that there was nothing I could do for him.  He asked if he could come by here and pick up his computer to take to a friend’s house, and stupid me said “yes”.   My heart was so broken and I was so numb over the situation that I didn’t make him leave that night.  I just couldn’t deal with it right away.  The next morning, being the good codependent that I am, I decided to give him one more chance.  We had a talk and I explained the rules he had to follow to stay.  He agreed to stay sober, go to AA meetings daily and continue to work.  I left and went to the grocery store, came home and took him to a 10am AA meeting.  While he was at the meeting, I went through things in his room and found 8 Steel Reserves hidden in his closet that were still cold.  He had gone to the store while I was at the grocery.  I realized that if he stayed if would be the same old insanity trip.  I prayed for God to give me strength to do what I had to do.  When he called for me to pick him up from meeting, I told him that if he had energy to walk to the store to get beer, that he could walk home from the meeting.  That way he had time to decide what to pack and where he wanted me to take him.

Well, he came in, packed his bag, and I dropped him off at a friend’s apt in another town.  That was on Sunday.   He called my mother yesterday (Wednesday) and asked her to pick him up.  She lives in the same town as his friend.  Being the good codependent that she is, she brought him to her home.   I had told her to not give him any money if he asked,  but didn’t know he would ask to stay with her.  My 45-yr-old addicted sister is already living there and taking advantage of Mom’s codependency, so I hate that she has to deal with my son, too.

The Way has said that Dale can come back into the program after 30 days without having to pay $1000 again.  My son says he wants to go back in, that he hadn’t wanted to get kicked out.  He thought he wouldn’t get caught after drinking New Year’s Eve.  But he didn’t take into consideration that once he started drinking, his body wouldn’t let him stop.  So if he didn’t get caught that time, it would only be matter of time before he had to drink again and again and would eventually get caught.

While in the program, I got nothing but good reports about him and his progress.  Yet when he got a pass and came home for Christmas, I didn’t really see any growth in him except he was not drinking.  He was still selfish and self-centered, didn’t want to socialize with the family, and never once apologized for what his addiction had put his family through.  He had money, but bought no gifts except for himself.  So either he was just playing while at The Way and pretending to get it, or his visits home set off too many triggers and caused him to stumble.  After he had been in the program for 30 days, he was allowed to have his cell phone and his Ipod.  I think having these 2 things also tripped him up by putting his mind back into the old world.

So, my son still has 3 weeks to go before he can return to The Way.  I had hoped that he would hit his bottom during this month, but if my mother insists on helping him, I don’t know if it will happen.  I guess he ran out of money and his friend kicked him out.  I have not called him and will not.  He will have to call me.  I don’t know what I will do.  My mother is old and doesn’t need the added stress.  The rest of his family agrees with me that he needs to hit bottom and probably won’t take him in.

All I can do is pray daily for strength and wisdom in dealing with my alcoholic son.  I know that as long as he is still alive, there is hope.  I don’t know what his bottom will be.  I just pray it is not death.