This is my first post in a few weeks. My son and I moved to a
different apartment complex at the end of August and then I had a bad
cold for several days. The reason we moved was because of a misdemeanor
theft of property my son had on his record from 8 years ago. He and some
friends took a street name sign and got caught. The apt management
wouldn’t let me renew my lease if he was going to live there. So instead
of putting him on the street, I chose to move. Good codependent that I
am, I disrupted my life once again for my alcoholic son. But the new
apartment is a blessing and I thank God for leading me here. I have more
room for less money and a huge balcony that I can grill on and I enjoy
the big dogwood tree that shades it. The neighbors are very friendly,
it’s close to everything, easier to access and not as many speed bumps
(yeah!).
This week I have been trying to “detach with love” from my son’s
disease. He up and quit his job at Kmart because they cut his schedule
down to 2 days a week. At least that’s the story I got. He lasted over 4
months there (not a record, but close). They had been so good to him at
first, even understanding that he was an alcoholic. He was getting alot
of hours, but then he started going to work after having 2 or 3 drinks.
I’m sure his performance suffered because, from what I observe, alcohol
makes him dumb. My theory is that they were trying to get him to quit
by cutting his hours. So now we are back to square one. But because he
had a good check deposited on Monday, he has been drinking every day.
Not getting very drunk, but drinking enough that I didn’t want to be
around him.
So this week, except to tell him supper is ready, I have basically
ignored him. I haven’t called during the day, left any notes, went
through his room, or asked him any questions. I prayed the Serenity
Prayer every day and asked God to help me stay out
of the
way and let Him work. In my mind I am coming to peace with whatever my
son has to go through to get sober. I have to work on myself and be
ready to go on with my life, no matter what happens with him. In return,
I have not experienced those pesky stomach knots that are a symptom of
worrying too much or the dread of finding him very sick or even dead. If
I keep my mind set on the fact the God is in control of my son’s life,
not me, then I can learn to detach with love from my son’s disease and
live my life to the fullest.
