Is a Relapse on the Horizon?

8/16/10 – Well, my son has been sober for almost 2 weeks now.   Thirteen days ago he got drunk in the morning, couldn’t go to work that afternoon, and called a local treatment center for help.  I drove him there, knowing that without insurance or a wad of cash up front, he would eventually be turned away.  But since he was reaching out for help, I took him.  He registered .249 on their breath test.  Wow!  He wasn’t staggering, but you could tell he was drunk.  He said he only drank 4 1/2 – 24 oz Earthquake lagers and had eaten something before we left.  Of course, since I didn’t have $4500 to get him admitted, he was sent away with a phone number for a state-funded place that has a waiting list.

He was scheduled to be off work the next two days, so I drove him to his grandparents’ house where there is no access to alcohol.  He could dry out for a couple of days before having to return to work on Friday evening.  He has been sober since then, but has been doing nothing recovery related.  I asked him what he was going to do different this time and he replied that he was going back to AA.    So far, no meetings.  I have been determined to not nag him about going, because it must be his decision and his choice.   He doesn’t drive, but he knows I would be more than happy to take him, if he only asked.

Thus brings up the question:  Is a relapse on the horizon?   I wish with all my heart that my son could just “grit it out” like his granddaddy said he did when he quit drinking years ago.  But I’ve started noticing little warning signs that concern me that another drunk is not far away.  Yesterday he didn’t shave before going to work, and this morning he had to be at work early.  I confronted him about the 2-day growth and whether he was going to shave.  I expressed my concerns that this was a warning sign to me that he was doing some stinking thinking.  When he stops caring about his personal hygiene, I know something is amiss.  Well, he did shave after I said something about it, but he didn’t want to.

I did a little research about alcohol relapse warning signs.  In a nutshell, I found there numerous warning signs that signal a relapse is likely.  I’ve listed some of them below and these are progressive.

1. Concern about well being / fear
2. Denial of the concern
3. Believing “I’ll never drink again”
4. Worrying about others instead of self
5. Defensiveness
6. Compulsive behavior
7. Impulsive behavior
8. Tendencies towards loneliness / isolation
9. Tunnel vision
10. Minor depression
11. Loss of constructive planning
12. Plans begin to fail
13. Daydreaming and wishful thinking
14. Feelings that nothing can be solved
15. Immature wish to be happy
16. Periods of confusion
17. Irritation with friends
18. Easily angered
19. Irregular eating habits
20. Lack of desire to take action
21. Irregular sleeping habits
22. Loss of daily structure
23. Periods of deep depression
24. Irregular attendance at AA and treatment meetings
25. Development of an “I don’t care” attitude
26. Open rejection of help
27. Dissatisfaction with life
28. Feelings of powerlessness and helplessness
29. Self pity
30. Thoughts of social drinking
31. Conscious lying
32. Complete loss of self confidence
33. Unreasonable resentment
34. Discontinuance of all treatment and AA
35. Overwhelming loneliness, frustration, anger and tension
36. Loss of behavioral control
37. Acute relapse episode

While this seems like it would take a while for the recovering alcoholic to transition through this long list of warning signs, in actuality it can happen within a matter of days.  When my son moved to live with me in the city, he left behind his old drinking friends and, since he doesn’t drive, it’s been hard for him to make new friends.  So unless he is at work, he isolates in his room on his computer. We get along pretty well when he is sober, but I don’t particularly like him when he’s drinking. He’s not a violent or obnoxious drunk and he’s never been threatening to me, but alcohol makes him slow and seemingly stupid even though he’s a very intelligent young man. I know that if he doesn’t get in some kind of recovery program, he will repeat the insanity again and again until something really bad happens.

Update 8/17/10: My son’s off day… had a nagging feeling all day while I was at work that he would be drinking. Resisted calling during day to check his voice for signs of intoxication. Keep telling myself it’s his life and there is nothing I can do or say that I haven’t already said before and I have no control nor do I want control. He’s ultimately only hurting himself. My life will go on. I continue to pray for God’s will, not mine, and whatever it takes is what is takes for my son. I also pray his alcoholic bottom is not death.