Time to Go to Al-Anon

Sorry that it’s been so long since I posted anything on my blog.  Why has it been so long, you ask?  Well, I’m not really sure.  I guess I got slack when my alcoholic son moved out of my apt and in with his then girlfriend.  When I didn’t have to see him every day and wasn’t so closely involved in his day-to-day stuff, I had some peace in my life and didn’t feel a need to vent.  His alcoholism was no longer my problem, but his girlfriend’s.

Sad thing is that she is a codependent like me, so he just left one codependent for another which is what alcoholics tend to do.  She is a very sweet lady and I like her very much, but she is closer to my age than to his.  Things went well for them for several months until they had a short break-up, during which time I let him move back in with me.  They continued to see each other though and spent alot of time together.  My son managed to keep his drinking to a reasonable level, for him, or so it seemed.  He would work occasionally for Labor Ready when they a job to send him on.  But he couldn’t find any steady employment.

Then in October he got a case of bronchitis and went to the doctor on a Monday  He was given 3 strong antibiotic pills to take - one a day for 3 days.  They knocked out the bronchitis, but his stomach began hurting and he started throwing up on a regular basis.  By Sunday, he was still hurting and vomiting, so I took him to the ER.  They diagnosed him with pancreatitis caused by his alcoholism.  He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed until Friday evening.  During that time he was given IV fluids, diladid for the pain, and a liquid-only diet.  He was told by the doctor that he had to stop drinking or the pancreatitis would return.

After his release, he stayed sober for about 3 weeks but never went to an AA meeting or got any other sort of help.  Then he relapsed for 1 day and drank some beer.  The fear of losing his girlfriend made him lay it down again for a while.  But just when he seems to be doing really well and I have something to be proud of him for, he goes off the deep end again.  He got drunk Tues night at his girlfriend’s house and she woke up to the evidence and called it quits with him.  He threatened suicide but thankfully didn’t follow through.  Now he is back at my place feeling depressed and will probably be vomiting today.  I fear the pancreatitis will return.

Now to the topic of this post… I am so tired of letting his disease affect my life negatively.  I am tired of being so codependent and wrapped up in what is going on with my 28-yr-old son.  Being an introvert personality, I have never been comfortable in support groups, but feel that it is time to get my butt to Al-Anon.  I realize my life has become unmanageable and that I need help.  The only thing that I have not tried with my son is putting him out on the streets.  I just can’t seem to make myself do that to my only child.  But I realize that I spoil him and make it easier for him to drink.  Part of that is who God has made me, I love helping people and making their lives better.  If I do that for others, why not for my own son?  I am learning though that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.  There is an Al-Anon meeting tonight at 8pm just a hop and skip away from my apt.  God give me the strength and courage to attend!