Time to Go to Al-Anon

Sorry that it’s been so long since I posted anything on my blog.  Why has it been so long, you ask?  Well, I’m not really sure.  I guess I got slack when my alcoholic son moved out of my apt and in with his then girlfriend.  When I didn’t have to see him every day and wasn’t so closely involved in his day-to-day stuff, I had some peace in my life and didn’t feel a need to vent.  His alcoholism was no longer my problem, but his girlfriend’s.

Sad thing is that she is a codependent like me, so he just left one codependent for another which is what alcoholics tend to do.  She is a very sweet lady and I like her very much, but she is closer to my age than to his.  Things went well for them for several months until they had a short break-up, during which time I let him move back in with me.  They continued to see each other though and spent alot of time together.  My son managed to keep his drinking to a reasonable level, for him, or so it seemed.  He would work occasionally for Labor Ready when they a job to send him on.  But he couldn’t find any steady employment.

Then in October he got a case of bronchitis and went to the doctor on a Monday  He was given 3 strong antibiotic pills to take - one a day for 3 days.  They knocked out the bronchitis, but his stomach began hurting and he started throwing up on a regular basis.  By Sunday, he was still hurting and vomiting, so I took him to the ER.  They diagnosed him with pancreatitis caused by his alcoholism.  He was admitted to the hospital where he stayed until Friday evening.  During that time he was given IV fluids, diladid for the pain, and a liquid-only diet.  He was told by the doctor that he had to stop drinking or the pancreatitis would return.

After his release, he stayed sober for about 3 weeks but never went to an AA meeting or got any other sort of help.  Then he relapsed for 1 day and drank some beer.  The fear of losing his girlfriend made him lay it down again for a while.  But just when he seems to be doing really well and I have something to be proud of him for, he goes off the deep end again.  He got drunk Tues night at his girlfriend’s house and she woke up to the evidence and called it quits with him.  He threatened suicide but thankfully didn’t follow through.  Now he is back at my place feeling depressed and will probably be vomiting today.  I fear the pancreatitis will return.

Now to the topic of this post… I am so tired of letting his disease affect my life negatively.  I am tired of being so codependent and wrapped up in what is going on with my 28-yr-old son.  Being an introvert personality, I have never been comfortable in support groups, but feel that it is time to get my butt to Al-Anon.  I realize my life has become unmanageable and that I need help.  The only thing that I have not tried with my son is putting him out on the streets.  I just can’t seem to make myself do that to my only child.  But I realize that I spoil him and make it easier for him to drink.  Part of that is who God has made me, I love helping people and making their lives better.  If I do that for others, why not for my own son?  I am learning though that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.  There is an Al-Anon meeting tonight at 8pm just a hop and skip away from my apt.  God give me the strength and courage to attend!

Alcoholism and Suicide

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) reports these national statistics regarding suicide:

• Over 36,000 people in the United States die by suicide every year.
• In 2008 (latest available data), there were 36,035 reported suicide deaths.
• Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 18 and 65 years in the United States (29,668 suicides).
• Currently, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.
• A person dies by suicide about every 15 minutes in the United States.
• Every day, approximately 99 Americans take their own life.
• Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.
• There are four male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide.
• There are an estimated 8-25 attempted suicides for every suicide death.
• Ninety-six percent of alcoholics who die by suicide continue their substance abuse up to the end of their lives.
• Alcoholism is a factor in about 30 percent of all completed suicides.
• Approximately 7 percent of those with alcohol dependence will die by suicide.

These are some pretty alarming statistics.  Having never been suicidal myself, I had not thought that my alcoholic son would ever try to take his own life… until he did.

It was a Sunday evening, August 21, and my son had been drinking most of the day.  I remember expressing my disappointment once again about his drinking.  It was around 9pm and I was in the living room when I heard the bath water running in his bathroom.  I thought it was very strange for him to be taking a bath or shower so late at night.  Then I heard him go into the kitchen and heard him open the silverware drawer.  I got up to investigate and caught him in the hallway with my largest kitchen knife.  He was running a tub of water and planned to slit his wrists in the tub.  I convinced him to give me the knife and to let me take him to our local hospital that has a behavioral health unit.  They admitted him that night and discharged him on August 24.  He was given a prescription for Trazadone to help him sleep.

Three days later I caught him locked in the bathroom again.  Thankfully, he opened the door for me before actually cutting himself.  Back he went to the hospital.  This time they prescribed Prozac.  When he was discharged 2 days later, he seemed like a changed man.  He was happier and his depression seemed to be lifted.  This lasted about 2 weeks.  He was taking his Prozac regularly and wasn’t drinking.  I thought the crisis was over, but I was wrong.  One evening I came home from work to find him locked in the bathroom once again.  I asked if he was OK and he replied, “Unfortunately, yes.”  He got out of the tub and unlocked the door.  He had several cut marks on both wrists where he had tried to slit them.  Thankfully he wasn’t successful because he had used the wrong type of knife and it wasn’t sharp enough.  This time I didn’t make him return to the hospital, but instead sent him to stay with his grandparents until the weekend so that he would be supervised.  He promised to never try suicide again because he wasn’t successful and I convinced him that God wasn’t ready for him to die yet.  This all happened in August-September 2011.

He went to our local mental health facility a few times and stayed off alcohol for a while.  But over time he stopped taking his Prozac regularly and started drinking again.  He met an older woman online and began a relationship with her.  He has since moved out of my apartment and moved in with her.  They plan to wed in May 2012.

It has taken me so long to write this post because it is painful for me to think about his suicide attempts.  I thank God every day for not allowing my son to take his own life.  As long as he is still alive, there is always hope that one day he will embrace sobriety and learn to enjoy the life that God intended him to live.  But for now, he has been unable to find a job and his drinking has increased again.  I don’t know how long his fiance will put up with it.  I believe she is a codependent like me and will take care of him and enable him as I did.  While I enjoy having my apartment to myself, it has been kind of hard not knowing what he is doing and having no say in his life.  I have really tried to not meddle in their lives and to let him live his own life for a change.  I realize that he has to make his own choices and mistakes and suffer his own consequences.

What I have learned is that anyone can get depressed enough to try to take their own lives.  Some are successful, some are not.  I do believe that my son was just crying out for help and did not really want to die.  But take depression seriously and don’t take suicide threats lightly.  Get help for them if at all possible.