The Past 3 Years

So, the last time I posted my alcoholic son had been in jail for DUI.  Because he wouldn't abide by the rules of the court, he ended up in jail while they could get him in a rehab facility.  He finally returned to a state-funded rehab that he had already been to twice before.  After being there for 21 days, he came out and my codependent self let him stay with me at my mother's house.  He started drinking again and not abiding by the rules (mine or the court). I talked to the court officers and was told they would put a warrant out for him.  One night he was especially drunk, so I called the police and had him picked up.  He finished out his original sentence and went to stay with his paternal grandparents.

In Oct 2017, I decided it would be a good idea for him to go to Raleigh, NC to live in an Oxford house and be close to his daughter. Notice that I said "I decided..."  Still trying to control the situation.  Being in Raleigh did not end well for him as he was in and out of sober living houses and different hospitals.  Relapsing and becoming homeless then going to the hospital to detox and doing the whole crazy circle all over again.  I lost track of where he was at any given time.  North Carolina does have a great support system for people who are trying to recover and it probably saved his life while he was there.

I don't remember exactly how long he was in NC but it was more than a month.  As you probably guessed, I did let him come back to AL and live with my mother and me.  I was in the process of doing renovations to Mom's house and I thought he could help.  While I don't remember all the details during this time, I do know that he did start drinking again as usual.

In May of 2018, I did a GoFundMe to raise money for Dale to enter The Foundry in Bessemer, AL.  It was a faith-based rehab and I knew that a closer relationship with Jesus was his only hope.  The $975 was raised and I dropped him off down there.  He hated being there and never adjusted to their way of doing things.  After a month or so, my sister agreed that he could come a live with her so I picked him up and took him to his aunt's apartment.  She is on disability so could take him to work etc.  He did OK there for a while, getting a job and all.  But gradually the alcohol temptation was too great and he relapsed again.
 (To Be Continued)

Codependent Withdrawal from the Alcoholic

I have had the option to not worry about my son's alcoholism for almost 2 months now. I tried to figure out the best way to word that first sentence - key words being "had the option." Have I exercised this option in my life for the past 38 days? Yes and no.

While my son was in jail, he was still calling me at least once a day and I got to video chat with him from the comfort of my own home on Mother's Day. I did see him when I drove him from jail to rehab for a few hours. Now he can only call one day a week for 15 mins. When he called last week, he didn't have much to say and I could tell he was mad that I wouldn't let him live with us any more. I truly cannot imagine going through any more of the stress that last month brought from his "alcohol use disorder." So I am going to stand my ground this time and he will have to make it own his own. It's way past time.

But even saying that doesn't take away the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of no longer having him around to tend to or worry about. That's so crazy to feel that way! I tell myself, over and over, "He's 33 years old for crying out loud!" That's basically what the responding State Trooper told me when my son wrecked my car and got a DUI. I think he added a "Ma'am" to the front though. It's almost like I am having withdrawals from the insanity that is his disease.

It does seem to be getting easier not having him here. I love being around my son when he is sober and do miss having him around to talk to sometimes. But my son's continued sobriety is more important than anything I want or feel. And for whatever reason, he can't seem to live with us and stay sober. So I am going to have to learn to live without him here and without the worry and uncertainty his drinking causes. And that's not a bad thing at all!

My Alcoholic Son

This photo was taken in March of this year.  Mom and I had just gotten home from Sunday evening service at church.  This what we found - my son passed out on the garage floor.  He had left with a drinking buddy earlier in the day.  Of course, my first reaction was "Is he alive or dead?" Not a question a mother ever wants to ponder... ever.

He was still alive, but totally out of it.  At first I couldn't get him to come to, and when he finally did he couldn't get himself up off the floor.  He passed out again so I just left him there for a while. Eventually I was able to help him stagger into the house and fall on the bed.

It hurts my heart to see this photo because this is what alcohol has reduced my son to.  I hate alcoholism!